I did a count today. The cats have seven different beds, which in our little apartment is almost two per room. And yet they still choose to sleep places that would otherwise be used by me, such as the office chair or the bathroom sink. They somehow manage to dominate me in their sleep, and that isn’t all.





Occasionally I will buy the cats a fancier brand of food as a treat. When I then serve them the usual canned affair the next day, this leads to a hunger strikes and wasted food until I cave in and buy the new brand. Eventually I buy them an even finer delicacy as a treat, which causes the whole cycle to repeat itself. This has happened so many times that there isn’t a more expensive brand I could buy, short of caviar and veal from the grocery store. You know, they have been really good lately. Maybe they deserve a treat…





Look at the expressions on their faces. They know they own me. My cruel masters decide when I wake up in the morning and when I am allowed to finally go to sleep. They tell me when and where I will sit so they can use my lap as a chair. When they want to play, it’s me shaking the wand or throwing a mouse, and if their litter box isn’t clean enough, they kick the contents onto the bathroom floor. This is a plea for help! Even as I type this they are watching me! I better go. I think they need fresh water, or catnip, or maybe they won’t be satisfied until they own my immortal soul!