I’ve been in a love a few times in my life and was always happy to lose myself in the experience. The thrill of discovery, the emotions that threaten to overwhelm, and the heartbreak when it all falls apart. Yes, even the most difficult aspects of love are somehow alluring. As much as we might wish otherwise, reason cannot be applied to the curious emotion. There is no diagnosis or cure, and for those that enjoy its side effects, few reliable guidelines to ensure it will last. I have a niggling fear sometimes, when Andreas looks at me and I see that spark in his eyes, that one day it will fade. Or I worry that my feelings for him won’t stand the test of time, that the flame will be extinguished if I somehow fail to nurture it. Then I think of those that came before him, and I am comforted.

There was one person I loved, and for a while he loved me, and we kept trying. We came together in countless ways, always starting with the same dance steps before trying out a different rhythm, but it never worked. We hurt each other, we had little in common, and ultimately we were better off apart; but there was still love. All I can say in my defense is that I liked the way he made me feel. I hope he would say the same. I continue to love him, even after all these years, and this is what I take comfort in when I worry about Andreas. Love never truly ends. I can think back on that long ago lover and still find that spark, those long dormant feelings that were created but have never gone away. Not completely. I think if I saw this person years from now, old and hunched over in the grocery store line, my heart would still skip a beat.

Ben and Tim have that kind of love. Whether it is right or wrong, one of them good or bad, is beside the point. To judge their relationship as being reasonable or not is to ignore the chaotic force that binds them together. And really, isn’t the world full of couples like Ben and Tim? Those that argue, make each other cry, and yet cling to each other as if their lives depended on it? We may shake our heads in puzzlement, but if we could see them in their most private and intimate of moments, I believe we would witness something miraculous. It might be hidden in a laugh, or tucked away in a spontaneous kiss, but somewhere in there would be that sly, mysterious trickster called love.