This is a happy discovery for me since this image of Kio is spot on. I suppose it would be a rare moment that the cat would be so lost in thought and not more expressive, but this is how Kio appears in my mind. Great job, Andreas!

Lately I’ve been busy editing my gay romance novel and it feels like meeting up with old friends. Of the four complete manuscripts I’ve written, the characters in this story are hands down my favorite. I miss then when I’m not working on the book, bad enough that I feel like picking up the phone and giving them a call. Of course this is a problem since they don’t exist.

I could bring those characters back to me by writing a sequel, but I wouldn’t be doing them any favors. I’m not as hard on my characters as some authors, but those that have found happy endings deserve to enjoy them. A book consisting of nothing but dates and hot sex might not sound bad, but it wouldn’t be realistic either, since established relationships are full of quiet moments and simple conversation. Strange how most stories are concerned with the blossoming of love, when making a relationship last decades long is the trick. So maybe there is a book in there somewhere, but for now I’ll let my characters enjoy their reward before I march back into their lives with a bag full of trouble.

Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure – I love Pee-Wee Herman! His debut film is an absolute quotable classic. The commentary on the DVD, featuring socially awkward Tim Burton and subdued but informative Paul Reubens, is one of my favorites. I hope they don’t replace it on the new release, but I would love a nice documentary on Ruebens, the Pee-Wee craze, and some cast and crew interviews.

Return to Oz – Notoriously dark, this movie was criticized for being nothing like its chipper predecessor. That’s a good thing as far as I’m concerned. The classic film has its charm, but I prefer the moody fantasy vibe that Return to Oz presents. I bought the DVD when it first came out and it’s one of those terrible widescreen shoved into full screen affairs. More recent DVD releases corrected this, but I’m holding out for the high definition version.

Lord of the Rings (Extended editions) – The LOTR trilogy is already out on Blu-ray, but naturally New Line Studios is trying to capitalize on fan impatience by releasing the theatrical version first. Annoying studio tactics aside, I hope the extended editions of each film can fit onto a single disc. Then again, those intermissions were always useful as a pee break and to grab another beer.

Finding Nemo – Even though I’d like The Incredibles even more, Finding Nemo is on this list because it keeps being pushed back, year after year. Pixar is really teasing us with this one. Or maybe they’re having technical problems. A high definition version of this film is a given, someday, so I’m not stressing about it too much. I do feel they’ve saved the best for last, so I’ll be excited when the final two Pixar films see a release.

Better Off Dead – Because I love the idea of a low budget comedy getting a high definition release. I’ve never owned a legitimate copy of this film, despite having seen it millions of times. All I ever had was a ratty, off-air VHS recording that was missing a segment in the middle. Finally buying the film after all these years would be a nice way of paying my dues, especially if they can wrangle up some extras this time.

Back to the Future Trilogy – This one is more of an honorable mention, since all three films will be released on Blu-ray this fall. The closest thing to American Doctor Who, (let’s ignore Bill and Ted) I’ve always adored these movies. Oh, all right! I’ve always enjoyed the first film and the beginning of the second film that takes place in the future. I’ve only recently gained an appreciation for the entire trilogy. Footage of the now defunct Back to the Future ride will be included on the set, fulfilling one of my biggest wishes so that I can relive that experience again.

So that’s it for me. What films haunt your high definition dreams at night?

With great pride, I hereby present my top ten of actually gay action figures:

10. Gay Stormtrooper

Infamous bootlegger Suckadelic got his start with these Gay Empire Homotroopers. I keep debating with myself if these are completely stupid or praise-worthy pieces of art. Considering the custom enhanced crotch and the all pink armor, I’m pretty sure that they’re awesome. The Homotroopers are described as “on the march, kicking Family Values Fuckheads right where it hurts!” That’s certainly a sentiment I can get behind.

9. Lance Bass

Pop stars are all mindless puppets, so Living Toyz couldn’t have chosen a better format to capture the ‘N Sync boys as toys. If memory serves, these marionettes landed straight in the clearance aisle where they still haunt bargain hunters to this day. At least the likeness on these is pretty decent, and thanks to Lance Bass surprising nobody by coming out, we can all celebrate the existence of the first openly gay puppet. And hey, at least Lance’s puppet is easier on the eyes than the horrid Elton John doll. Are those ruby red slippers he comes with?

8. Northstar

I’m a DC Comics guy, which is a shame because Marvel has always been a bit more progressive about gay rights. Northstar is the first name you’ll usually hear when it comes to gay superheroes. His sexuality was revealed in a storyline back in 1992, a move years ahead of its time. Northstar deserves a better position on this list and would have had one if his action figure didn’t suck so bad. Toy Biz figures were never much for detailed sculpts or articulation, but in this particular case, you have to buy Northstar’s sister as well. Don’t you just hate guys that come with baggage? The figure isn’t very becoming either, but maybe Marvel Select will make a new and improved version one day. They could base it off of Northstar’s appearance in Marvel Swimsuit.

7. Freddie Mercury

How would you feel about handling eighteen inches of Freddie Mercury? Yeah, that’s right. Eighteen inches! Too much for you? Then grab yourself seven inches instead, but the bigger Freddie is electronic and plays clips from some of Queen’s greatest hits. Pretty neat, but for such a giant figure, it sure lacks in articulation, moving only at the shoulders, wrists, and neck. Still, it’s good to see Freddie immortalized in plastic!

6. Waylon Smithers

Some retailers refused to stock this figure based on its sexuality, which just goes to show how stupid the world was a decade ago. Part of Playmates Toys’ amazing World of Springfield line, Smithers comes complete with a photo of his hopeless straight-boy crush, Mr. Burns. Well, there’s no accounting for taste. For those who are feeling more festive, Smithers was also available in a resort version, straight out of the episode where Smithers goes on vacation in search of some man love.

5. Tom of Finland’s Rebel

No other art is as synonymous with gay culture as the work of Tom of Finland. His unforgettable images exaggerated everything sexy about the male body, the results of which are pretty damn hot. This figure does a fantastic job of bring the essence of Tom’s art into the third dimension. The Rebel figure comes with quite a bit of kit. His jacket, shirt and pants are all removable and his boots can be replaced by bare feet so that he’s totally nude. He also comes with a selection of swappable dongs. One cut, the other uncut, and the third… uh, I’m not really sure. (Click here for naked pics) The figure also comes with a condom to promote safe sex, one life-size for the buyer and a small one for Rebel to hold onto. I have to admit it; this one is going on my Christmas list.

4. Dumbledore

The argument could be made that Dumbledore’s sexuality should have been a part of the Harry Potter novels. The perfect opportunity came when his name was being slandered in the final book. Rowling felt there wasn’t room in the story, and maybe she was right, but I still respect her for outing him afterwards. Dumbledore is one of the most interesting and influential characters in the entire Harry Potter series and him being gay is a great moral boost for younger kids becoming aware of their alternative sexuality. As for the figures, neither of the actors cast really resemble the Dumbledore in my mind. I like the Richard Harris version a bit better, but there are quite a few different versions to choose from, should anyone want history’s most powerful gay wizard in their collection.

3.Billy Herrington

Star of many gay porn films, Billy Herrington claims to be bisexual. Then again, aren’t we all? Regardless, Herrington has become quite the internet sensation in East Asia. Viral video remixes of him are created to humorous effect, and these videos are often Rick Roll’d, intentionally mislabeled so that people will click on them. These videos became so popular that toy company Figma decided to produce a figure of him. Figma figures are simply amazing. They have ridiculous amounts of articulation and lots of swappable parts, including hands, feet, and even facial expressions! For whatever reason, they even created an extremely bizarre Halloween version. This figure about has it all, except for that one essential part that keeps his real life counterpart employed.

2. Captain Jack

This sexually charged Doctor Who hero has spawned a legion of fans for John Barrowman, the openly gay actor that portrays him. Captain Jack isn’t so different than John, since they both have mischievous, sexually-charged personalities. And yes, Captain Jack is gay. And straight. And robosexual, and apparently anything else that he can get his hands on. Mostly though, he seems to gravitate toward men, as his racier adventures in spin-off series Torchwood prove. Owning both Captain Jack and John Barrowman in figure form is about as cool as it gets. I guess that’s why they’ve made so many other versions (1, 2, 3) as well as a Tonner doll.

1. Totem’s Billy, Carlos, and Tyson Dolls

Yeah, I’m cheating here. You may have heard of the gay Billy doll already. It made minor media waves back in 1997 when it first debuted. I remember not being terribly impressed, mostly because Billy looks a little bit… uh, challenged. Thankfully inventor John McKitterick had Barbie proportioned aspirations for the line and expanded it with Billy’s attractive boyfriend Carlos, and their even hotter friend Tyson. These dolls were anatomically correct (not safe for work, but click here to see Billy, Carlos, and Tyson nude) so they have an advantage over ol’ Ken already. Just like the Barbie line, a number of outfits were available, as well as the dolls being prepacked in a number of occupational themes.

Billy isn’t the first gay doll. That honor goes to Gay Bob way back in 1977. But what Billy and company does represent is the first gay toy line, which is a phenomenal achievement. I’m not sure how successful of an enterprise these dolls were, but I wish they were still around. I would have loved to have seen some lesbian dolls added to the mix, and maybe a gay club playset. I have a feeling though that other enterprising souls will one day create more gay figures for us to enjoy. Until then, at least we have quite an eccentric mix to choose from; not only the figures in this list but no doubt others as well. If you know of any gay figures I didn’t mention here, be sure to let me know in the comments below.

“As good as it is to see you,” I told him, “I’m afraid you simply can’t stay. You may have heard the news, but there’s a great many details you don’t know and that I don’t have the heart to tell you.”

He looked a bit confused as I sat down with a bottle and a glass and said my farewells. No matter what they say, you can keep a good man down. It’s letting him back up again that’s the trick.

10. Kamandi

I honestly know very little about Kamandi, but when I first saw this figure I thought it was bisexual Coley from John Blackburn’s erotic comic series. Kamandi is clad in nothing but a pair of daisy dukes and cowboy boots, giving him the appearance of a redneck rent boy who is down on his luck. The blond locks are flawless though, so I’m guessing he spends all his trick money on hair care products.

09. Tracks

How can a transforming robot be gay? Just think of Knight Rider’s KITT and you’re halfway there. Transformers fans blame his reputed sexuality on his snotty voice or the character’s obsession with his own appearance. For me it’s the lofty flying car mode, the “flaming” design on his hood, and that his best friend is hot Hispanic boy named Raul. Theirs is a forbidden love.

8. Prince Adam

Whether it’s the lavender tights or the pink vest his animated counterpart always wore, Prince Adam has long been accused of being light in his Eternian loafers. The cartoon series never bothered establishing a romantic relationship for Adam, and the subplot of the secret identity Adam is desperate to keep from his parents only adds to the mounting evidence. The only people Adam confides in are Man-At-Arms (a middle aged bachelor with a handlebar mustache) Orko ( a socially awkward fairy) and the Sorceress (an aging hag). But as Queen Marlena points out in the cartoon, “A mother always knows her own son…”

7. Bow

Masters of the Universe’s sister show, Princess of Power, is about as pink as it gets. Bow, the only male figure in the entire line, is a minstrel who favors golden sports bra armor that’s engraved with a heart. I have to admit, it’s a look he manages to pull of with surprisingly well. On the vintage packaging, Bow is described as being “She-ra’s special friend.” He might be a shoulder for her to cry on when those daddy issues with Hordak resurface, but I suspect he’s mostly there to get close to her hotty of a brother, Prince Adam.

6. Batman and Robin

This one is so obvious that I feel almost guilty for chosing it. The innuendo between Batman and Robin has been toned down in recent years, but there remains something a little bit odd about the long line of young lads that Batman takes under his wing. I can understand the first Robin. Bruce had a real thing for Dick, but since he left, Batman keeps replacing him with other young men that just happen to look exactly the same. Jason Todd, Tim Drake, and now Damien. Breaking up can be hard to do, but I think it’s time to move on Batman.

5. G.I. Joe’s Shipwreck

I’m not sure what sort of sailor Shipwreck is supposed to be. The style of his uniform is decades out of date for it to be Navy, not to mention that the colors are wrong. More than likely, Shipwreck put together this powerful ensemble himself. The anchor tattoo is so generic that it’s daring, and the parrot as a fashion accessory is both eye-catching and the perfect icebreaker. Looking the way he does, Shipwreck is guaranteed to instantly own any dock-side bar he strolls into.

4. Aqualad and Aquaman

There was a time when almost every superhero had a young male companion. The thinking was that the target audience, made up of preadolescent boys, would relate to the teenage sidekick and experience the thrill of fighting crime alongside their favorite hero. From a marketing point of view, it made sense. These days it just seems creepy. Or hot. I can’t decide which. Regardless, Aqualad was no worse than most such sidekicks, until this set of figures came along. Apparently his favorite form of travel is via a geyser of water to the crotch. His mentor, Aquaman, can swim through the water like a torpedo, and yet here he chooses to parade himself atop the ocean with the help of a very embarrassed seahorse. Just because you’ve got it, doesn’t mean you should flaunt it, boys!

3. Bert & Ernie

Ah, the original Muppet odd couple, and I do mean couple since they’ve been sharing the same bedroom ever since Sesame Street first hit the airwaves. Every Bert and Ernie sketch plays out like a modern sitcom dealing with the ups and downs of a marriage way past the honeymoon stage. Sesame Street has always been progressive, and it wouldn’t surprise me to see these two tying the knot come the day that gay marriage is legalized in the US. What should be against the law is the lack of decent Sesame Street figures out there. Palisades Toys got the license but went out of business before anything but Super Grover was produced. Such a shame.

2. Sam and Frodo

Not many people who saw the Lord of the Rings movie trilogy made it through without raising an eyebrow at Sam’s level of dedication for Frodo. There was a whole lot of love and tears involved, not to mention the constant servitude. Be it friendship or unrequited love, Sam and Frodo were an awesome team and their chemistry together was unforgettable. The figures produced for the three films range from great to masterpiece quality. For these reasons and more, these two happy hobbits deserve to be number two on this list.

1. Ken

Barbie’s estranged husband is the king of ambiguously gay action figures. Sure he’s considered a doll, but the difference is negligible. Ken’s story is a common one. He’s pretty, needs money, and has an aversion to hard work. What most decent gays in his shoes would do, is to find themselves a sugar daddy. Problem solved. But in the bizarre Twilight Zone world that Ken lives in, every high paying occupation is worked by Barbie. She’s both doctor and nurse, lawyer, dentist, president, and veterinarian. If there’s a position of the smallest esteem, then Barbie already has it monopolized. Ken can either suffer the grunge work that’s left over, or put on that fake plastic smile of his, squeeze his eyes together really tight, and take that elevator up to Barbie’s bedroom.

That’s it for our characters and toys of questionable orientation. Tune in later this week for the top ten list of figures and toys that really are based on gay characters or people.

I guess some writers might edit alongside writing new material, but I’m too eager to get the books I’ve already finished out there. Any hour that I’m writing could be used toward that goal, and so that’s what I do. I can’t wait to get caught up though. Getting back into my old habits after being gone so long isn’t easy, but I’m sure I’ll slide into soon. Speaking of creative enterprises, the art above is the work of Brian Shepp, who has done an entire series of deities and spirits. He even painted my man Manannan, which is how I found his site. You can check out Brian’s stunning work here and buy something if you’re rich. I know I would. Anyway, I love stuff like this. I’ve always had a fascination with the old gods, if not a ongoing relationship, and they feature heavily in my third novel. That one seems a million miles away, but some of these gods also make an appearance in The Cat in the Cradle, albeit in different guises. I wonder if anyone will recognize who they are?

Early this morning, during a groggy bowl of oatmeal, my mom rushed into the room and said that my dad was dying. I didn’t move. This had happened too often before. His breathing would stop and we would cry over him, both out of sorrow and relief, before my dad would start breathing again. A week ago, we were told he wouldn’t make it through the night, that no one in his condition could survive more than a day. And yet he did. More than once I had tried to convince myself to end his life for him and was thinking about doing just that when my mom interrupted my breakfast. Only when my oldest sister said my name with meaning did I push away from the table and rush into his room. When I got there, it was clear from the weak pulse in his neck that he was going.

He came back to us briefly, a statue come to life for the first time in days. Even the smallest movement felt gigantic; the clenching of his hands, the expression of effort on his face and his mouth opening and closing. And then he was gone. I didn’t cry. I’ve been mourning since we found out that his cancer was fatal, and I’d already done my share of crying during the week I helped take care of him. Hours later, I realized that the man I had seen die that morning, the one more helpless than an infant, was my father. Even though they looked nothing alike, this was the strong, loving man that had done everything possible to care for me and make me happy. The one that had accepted my every fault and forgiven me for countless stupidities. The man that held me when my favorite cat died, and wept because it hurt him to see me in such pain. As ridiculous as it sounds, it took me quite some time to connect the events of the last week with the rest of my father’s life. Only then did I cry, because he didn’t deserve such an ugly ending.

And yet the trying conditions of his final days made it so much easier to let go. My absolute certainty in the afterlife and in my dad’s continued existence are a tremendous comfort. I know with all of my heart that he is with people he loves, such as his mother. Strange to think that he once mourned her, as I do now, and that one day I’ll be with him again, just as he is with his mother now. It strikes me that mourning is mostly us feeling sorry for ourselves, crying at the idea of going without someone we love. I’m not sad that he’s gone because being here was painful for him. He’s okay now, and that makes me okay. We’ll all be okay in the end. I’ll miss him, but that’s a burden that feels more like an honor than anything else.

The weirdest thing about a loss like this is how life goes on. Despite feeling like a part of me is missing, I watch my favorite shows and joke with my family. I eat meals and I snack on cookies. I enjoy the sun, and busy myself with chores or my hobbies. Through all of this, I have my father in the back of my mind, his quirks and sayings, or the memories that we made together, and that’s how it will always be. I’ll never forget him.